My Dear Sister
by Nekkoconekko
Summary: Two assassin sisters get hired by Xanxus to fill in for Gola Moska, after the ring conflict. Possible pairings later, but for now, just slightly cracky humor.My first fic. I forgot to put the disclaimer inside, so I don't own katekyo Hitman Reborn, okay?
1. Prologue

They were one and the same, the palace guards mused to themselves. Alike but opposite.

Ever since they were born, the siblings shared life, their secrets that were whispered into their ears.

The older sister, at the age of 7, was a dark-haired shadow, sitting ever still, with her nose in a book. All she did was sit and read, all day long. There was no emotion in her voice, only cold, hollow words. The only one who could make her seem alive was her sister.

The younger, a 6 year old wildfire, as she was referred to by the court, was always on the move. In the dead of night, they would find her sneaking around, consumed by insane giggles. The only one who could bring her back from her little world was her sister. They were each other's diagnosis and their remedy. They made each other go mad, and they brought them back from insanity.

"Where are we going, sister?" The younger whispered, her voice jumping slightly from the bumpy carriage.

"Mother said we are going to meet our fiancées today."

"I don't care. I don't wanna get married and leave you!"

"We won't get married for a while, not until we're grownups."

"But I'll be old!"

"Not as old as I will be."

The younger one pouted and kicked the wall of the carriage.

When the horses came to a stop, she poked her head tentatively out of the window.

"Don't do that, sister. It's not ladylike."

"I'm not a lady. Are those our future husbands?" She wrinkled up her nose in disgust. The older sister peeked out the window, in the direction of the castle they had arrived at. "No, dear sister. Those are guards."

The younger did a somersault out of the carriage, but didn't land quite right. She coughed as her sister opened the door and helped her younger sister pat the dirt off of her dress. Their mother, the queen, looked down at them disapprovingly. "Now, you two. Please be good in front of these two boys, alright? We want to make a good impression, so that our kingdoms may merge someday." The older rolled her eyes. They grasped each other's hands and walked together to the front of the castle. "I don't like this place. It's scary-looking, and it smells weird."

"Ssh. Neither do I, but we have to deal with it. Oh, look, I wonder who those people are?"

The younger looked up, to see four people coming towards them from behind the castle. Two boys were being pushed by a man and woman, dressed in grand clothes. The two princesses curtsied, the older gracefully arching down, but the younger tripping over her skirt and falling forward, landing face first in the dirt. The two boys snickered. She got up, her face red, and laughed as she patted off her dress. The queen hurried forward and gave her a smack to the side of the head. She went flying, but this time springing back up and launching herself at her mother. She latched onto her arm. "That wasn't nice, mother!" She shrieked, and dug her fingernails into her mother's bare arm, causing a stream of bright red blood to stain her mother's sleeve and splash onto her dress front.. The queen screamed. "Let go! Let go this minute, young lady!" The girl complied. While all this was happening, the older sister was introducing herself to the slightly horrified family. "It's a pleasure to meet you, your majesties." One of the boys, Jill, stepped forward. "My name is Jill, and this is Bel." The younger sister ran over. "You guys have girly names." Bel pulled a knife out from his pocket. "Please take that back, young princess." he snickered and fingered the tip of the blade. The younger stepped forward and pulled a revolver out of her pocket. "My sincere apologies, but I'm disinclined to fulfill your request." They both laughed evilly and circled around each other, ready to strike. The older sister pulled on the younger's sleeve. "Not now, dearest sister. We'll wait until we have earned their trust, and then we strike..." The older pulled a poisoned hypodermic needle out of her pocket.

Needless to say the mother and father of the twin princes were very put off by this situation. They had hoped that the marriage to a fine princess might make their sons a little less bloodthirsty. Unfortunately, this was not the case, as after the day was over, Bel seemed to have acquired new ideas. His brother knew only too well, as he was the first to die. All thanks to that one meeting with the princesses from the kingdom next door...

_Ten years later_

"Where are we going again, sister?"

"We're going to join a team of assassins. Won't it be nice to be able to kill people and get paid for once?"

"Yeah, but I like working only with you. People suck."

"We need the money. If it turns out wrong, we'll just kill them all, okay?"

"Yay~ I'd like that~"

"I thought as much. I think we're here."

The older sister stopped her black motorcycle and they both looked up at the forbidding castle. The sky was dark, with dark gray clouds circling around the top spires. The younger sister shivered. "Uwa~ This reminds me of somewhere. Our dead fiancées castle, maybe?" The older sister shrugged and went up to the door. She looked for a doorbell. There was none. "What kind of entrance doesn't have a doorbell?" She wondered out loud, her voice not having changed since ten years ago. Maybe a bit deeper and more mature, but still emotionless. "What? That's stupid! How can there not be a doorbell?!" The younger sister strode right up to the door and peered closely at the entranceway. Sure enough, no doorbell was to be seen. She snickered as an evil gleam appeared in her eyes. She reached under the seat of the motorcycle and pulled out a fully-loaded bazooka. "Well, I'll just blast it open, then." Seconds before she pressed the trigger, a loud sound reached their ears. "VVVVVOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE!!!???" a small compartment at the top of the door opened and a head with long silver hair cautiously poked through. He looked confused when he saw the two teenage girls with their tattered black dresses. "It's not Halloween, so go away, Gothic trash." The younger sister ignored the comment, smiled and put down her bazooka. "Hi, Ma'am! We're here to join the Varia. Can we see someone named, er, XANXUS!?" She shouted XANXUS's name as loud as she possibly could. The long-haired person's face went red with anger. "I'M A _MAN,_ YOU STUPID BRAT!"

The younger sister looked offended, and pushed against the door with all her might. The long haired woman-er-man, who was apparently standing on a stool lost his balance and landed on the stone floor quite painfully. "VOOOOOIIII! I didn't say you could enter!" The younger sister laughed and plopped her bags down on the floor next to him. "We invited ourselves in, I guess. Tell XANXUS that the people he called have arrived." The man grumbled and picked himself off the floor.

"Stupid brats virtually pouring in. What the hell is Xanxus thinking, recruiting kids?Besides, we only need one, not two. Now that Moska's gone... Well, we'll see how powerful they are shortly." He opened the door to Xanxus' office and was promptly kicked out. "Next time, knock before bothering me, Squalo." A voice growled from inside. The man, Squalo, rolled his eyes and knocked on the door. "Don't come in."

"VOOOOOIIII! I thought you said to knock before disturbing you!"

"You just did disturb me. Now go away."

"But there are two brats that said you called them! They're here!"

Xanxus appeared at the door a moment later. He looked as if he had just woken up. He muttered something under his breath. "Bring them in. The sooner we get this over with, the sooner I can be left alone." Squalo nodded and took off down the hallway again. He found the sisters sitting on a couch in the living room, whispering among themselves. "VOOOOOIIII! You two brats! Xanxus wants to see you. Not that I'd care about you otherwise, but you'd better not die. If you do, I'm the one thats gonna have to wash the blood off of the carpet." The younger sister sniggered. "Don't worry, ma'am. We've got everything under control."

"VOOOOOIIII! I'm a man!"

_End chapter one_

_Chapter Two_

The two sisters' meeting with Xanxus was pretty tame, as meetings with the psycho leader of the Varia go, usually.

"Well? Who are you and what do you do?"

"What do you mean, Sir?"

Xanxus sighed and rolled his eyes."What are your names?" The sisters exchanged a glance. The younger shrugged. "We dunno. Is this some trick question?" Xanxus blinked. He wouldn't admit it, but this was confusing him. "What the hell do you mean you don't know your names? Everyone has a name."

"Not us! We don't know, we forgot ours." the younger protested. Xanxus sighed in exasperation. "Well, choose a name." The older sister stepped forward. "I remember mother calling us collectively 'Magdalena', remember that?" The younger racked her brain for that memory. "Oh! Right! Okay, XANXUS! Our names are Magdalena!"

"Uh, both of you?"

"Yup!"

"Yes."

"Names don't work that way. Your names can't be the same."

"We know that! We're not stupid!"

"We know."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"So... Is one of you Magda, and one of you Lena?"

"Okay, I'll be Magda!"

"...Lena's fine with me."

Xanxus nodded, still a bit weirded out by the fact that they didn't remember their own names. "Right. Sign here, here, and here. You have to undergo a series of tests, to make sure you're cut out for the Varia. You pass, you become part of the Varia. You don't pass, your insides get splattered on the walls." The two sisters nodded. "Sure! When does the test start?" The younger, Magda, asked.

"Right now." Xanxus pulled out his guns and fired them both simultaneously at the sisters. "Those are heat-seeking explosive bullets. I doubt you'll be able to dodge them." He walked out of the room, locking the door behind him, enjoying their screams and the silence that followed.

An hour later, he called Squalo to open the door and clean up their remains. "They were just another pair of stupid wanna-be assassins. No match for my bullets. As punishment for using up all of the shampoo and hot water on your hair yesterday, you have to scrub them off the walls." Squalo grumbled a bit but opened the door, scrub-brush and bucket of water at the ready. What he saw shocked him.

The sisters were alive and well, the bullets shattered on the floor. Lena was sitting in the corner, engrossed in a book. Magda was twirling herself around in Xanxus' spinny chair, giggling insanely. "VOOOOOIIII! Why are you two still alive?!" Lena closed her book and walked out of the door. Magda stumbled after her. "What, you thought we'd be dead?" she grinned at Squalo's surprised face. She stuck out her tongue happily and skipped off after her sister.

"Uh... That was weird. Now I don't have anything to clean except for the bullets. He swept up the bullet shards and dumped them into the trash can. "VOOOOOIIII! XANXUS! THE BRATS ARE STILL ALIVE!" Xanxus came back down the hall and peered into the room. "What? Where are they?"

"They just left! I dunno where they went, but they shattered the bullets. Well, are you going to kill them, or let them join the Varia as replacements for Moska?" Xanxus shook his head in defeat. It would be a while before the Varia got newbies this tenacious. They might not even be any good at fighting, but he'd figure that out in good time. Now, he really needed some strong alcohol and a nap. "Squalo, go find those two and show them around. Tell them that if they disturb me, they die." Squalo nodded, flipping Xanxus off as he retreated back to his bedroom. "Vooii... why do I have to do his dirty work? I don't even like those brats, they're annoying. I'm an assassin, not a babysitter." he finally found them in the parlor, sitting on a couch and whispering to themselves again.. "VOOOOOIIII! You two! I've gotta show you around. Just because this is your house now, doesn't mean that you own the place. Break anything, and you pay for it. I'm Superbia Squalo, and I don't care what your names are. Follow me." He turned around on his heels and led Magdalena out into the hallway."You two will be taking the spot of our last member that died, Gola Moska. That being said, here's his rooms. You guys get your own bathroom, and two rooms all to yourself. I can't understand why you'd need two rooms and your own bathroom, seeing as you're only a couple of brats, but rules are rules. You take the rooms of the guy you're replacing."

"Shishishi~ new members, Stupid Squalo? Why are you being so harsh?" A crowned head appeared behind Squalo and smiled insanely. Magda screamed and fell over backwards. "Aaaah! Help! I can't tell what gender it is!" She hid behind her sister and peered out from behind. Belphegor twitched in anger and pulled out his knives. Lena, who had a photographic memory, recognized him at once, but decided not to say anything. After all, she didn't have anything to be concerned about, as long as _her_ fiancée was dead. Unfortunately for her sister, _she _still had something to worry about. Her sister pulled out her bazooka seemingly out of nowhere (hadn't she left it in the foyer? Strange) and pointed it at the prince. "Tell me what gender you are, or I'm blowing your head off!" She growled menacingly, smiling almost as sadistically as the prince. "The prince is male. And as a punishment for insulting the prince, I'm going to kill you, shishishi~"

"Bring it, girly-man!" Magda leaped out from behind her sister, pulled our her revolver while still holding the bazooka, and started shooting at the prince with both weapons, who dodged the bullets with expertise. Magda laughed hysterically while dodging another round of knives thrown at her. "No! You're going to ruin the room!" A high voice was heard. A strange-looking person of also unidentifiable gender burst into the room and swiped Bel's knives away. Magda put her weapons down. "Who are you? Get out of the way, I was just starting to have fun." The strange-looking person looked offended for a moment. "I doesn't matter, does it? There's a rule about not messing up the castle. Take it outside, where the rest of us won't be affected." Lena spoke up, surprising everyone in the room. "


	2. Chapter 3: The oddness of Squalo's head

_Note: That last chapter was really messed up. I had accidentally written it on only one document, so they were stuck together. I didn't notice until it was too late, sorry for the inconvenience! This is the third chapter, not the prologue. The prologue was that blurb from when they were little, with Bel and Jill._

_-Nekkoconekko_

_(Also, if you haven't seen/don't know about the Rocky Horror Picture Show, then you won't get a lot of my Lussuria jokes. Sorry.)_

"Magda, please do as people say for the time being." Lena said, surprising everybody.

The strange man clapped his hands. "Well, well, well! I had hardly noticed you there, missy! I'm Lussuria." He beamed proudly and shook both her hands.

Lena didn't respond, she just went back to reading. Magda reluctantly put her weapons away and hugged her sister, who (again) showed no response.

Lussuria's smile seemed to have drooped significantly. It was obvious that he thought both girls were weird. Oh well. Not as mental as the other Varia members, he hoped.

"Shishishi~ I won't bother with you commoners, anymore. No fighting is no fighting, however you look at it." He turned on his heels and strode out of the room, leaving Lussuria and Squalo in the room with the sisters, who had gone back to their giggling and whispering mode.

"VOOOOOIIII! Stop with the annoying whispering and muttering!"

"No way, you Sephisloth wannabe."

"VOOOOOIIII! What did you call me?"

"A Sephisloth wannabe!"

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?"

"That's how she pronounces 'Sephiroth'. You know, from Final Fantasy?" Lena spoke up again.

By this time Lussuria had collapsed into a fit of giggling.

"What? What'chu laughin' at, chicken-hawk? My jokes aren't even that funny!" Magda nudged Lussuria a bit with her boot.

He looked up in surprise. "Hmm? Oh, your jokes are fine. They made _me_ laugh, at least!"

He checked his watch. "Oh, my! Dinner's ready! You two cuties can follow me. Squalo, you wake up Xanxus-sama." Squalo banged his head against the wall a couple of times, but did as he was told.

"Strange, he's usually not so submissive! Could it be he's taken a liking to you two girls?" Lussuria giggled again.

The two sisters exchanged a glance. "Does he remind you of someone?" Lena said quietly.

"Dr. Furter from _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_?"

Lussuria whipped his head around, his green Mohawk flopping around in indignation.

"I take offense to that! He's my favorite character from _Rocky_, though. Thank you very much."

He beamed again as he opened the kitchen door. The girls were immediately blown over by the smell of casserole.

"Wow, Mohawk guy, did you cook this?" Magda asked in awe. He nodded and opened the oven to check on the food. Magda looked over Lussuria's shoulder, screamed, and kicked the woman man headfirst into the casserole. His screams of pain were almost as loud as Magda's screams of terror.  
Hey! That wasn't very safe! Please be careful," Lussuria exclaimed, rubbing the reddish burn mark on his forehead.

"The casserole glared at me!" Magda protested.

Complete silence, except for faraway screams of Squalo being beaten to a pulp by Xanxus.

"Um, glared at you?" Lena asked tentatively. Her sister nodded fiercely, her long brown pigtails flapping up and down.

"Of course. Didn't you see it? There was a mean-looking frog in it."

They were interrupted by the door being slammed open, and a small baby came running in.

"Lussuria? Did you by any chance bake Phantasma?" His tone was indignant.

"Lussuria peeked into the oven again.

"…oopsie. Sorry, Mammon."

The baby grumbled in indignation and (with some difficulty) managed to turn the oven off. He opened the oven door and scooped up the frog, cradling it in his tiny arms.

"You, you bastard… how could you…" he muttered in Lussuria's direction, then puttered out of the room.

Magda squealed and chased after Mammon. "Haha! You're so cute! Let me kill you, please! I promise it won't hurt for a very long time~"

She picked the baby up and hugged it to her chest, while the small boy (?) struggled and "muu'd".

"Let go of me, you stupid girl!" The baby squealed indignantly, as he kicked at her stomach with tiny feet. Magda only hugged him tighter.

"You're so squishy!"

"Mu!"

"Can I kill you?"  
"No!"

Magda tossed her hair indignantly. "Humph, fine. Be that way~" She dropped the baby and strolled off, taking her sister in the process. Lena just continued reading, not really minding being dragged around by her clinically insane sister.

_Dude, I couldn't stop laughing at the muu-ing. Sorry, I just love Mammon so much. Reviews are appreciated so much, I'm glad you've read this far~_

_Next chappie will be out soon, I promise :D_


End file.
